I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
