my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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