i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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