yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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