I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
