If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
