Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
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