if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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