wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
