Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
