Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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