..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
