Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
