I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
