Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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