My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
