He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
