Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
