i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
