people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
