so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
