walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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