i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
