so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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