I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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