I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
