The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
