i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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