I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
