just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
