I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
