Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
