When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
