There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
