Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
