in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
