so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
