My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
