And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
