Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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