I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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