And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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