Me. At least after what I've been through.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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