I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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