i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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