hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
