theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
