Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
