I'm drive I can fine osifer
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
