I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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