I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
