I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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