i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
